Morgan's Doglog

Monday, August 29, 2005

Sometimes She Surprises Me

She watches me like a hawk when we're on the beach. A couple of days ago I got my jaws around a bit of putrifying salmon but She saw me and screeched so loud I dropped it.

Of course, They get to enjoy salmon at home whenever they want. In fact, He grills salmon about once a week, if not more. She makes sure I don't get any. I get kibble, They get salmon. How unfair is that?

But sometimes She surprises me. Last night She was fixing a dish with smoked salmon and some miraculously fell in my bowl when I wasn't even looking! I discovered it there quite by accident. I gobbled it up real fast, just in case She changed Her mind.

Friday, August 26, 2005

They May Be On To Me

I think They may have discovered my glog. They have not asked me to run with Them since I posted that I never wanted to run with Them ever again. Coincidence? I think not.

Be careful what you wish for. Here's what they do now: They drive somewhere incredibly remote and beautiful and go for a long run--LEAVING ME IN THE CAR!!!! Hey, if you're reading this--this is not what I had in mind! Last weekend they drove to the end of North Douglas Highway, parked the car, got out, and then disappeared for nearly two hours! By the time they got back they could hardly breathe, or walk for that matter. They let me out at that point but were too exhausted to go anywhere Themselves. She was moaning and limping and He was moving real slow.

I refused to get back in the car until we went for a little walk. They figured out I meant business so we set off down a small dirt road. About five minutes in, they were ready to turn back. Pathetic! I missed out on a lot of sniffing that day and I won't soon forget it.

(Note to glog readers in San Diego and other warm locations: Leaving a dog in a car is not a crime in Alaska. It seldom gets above 55 degrees here--even in the summer! Don't go calling the Humane Society on them, please. I don't need that aggravation. Thank you.)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

My Life Story, Part 5

You can scroll down to my post of August 2 to see Part 4, or click July 2005 under Archives to start at the beginning.

We left our hero (me) wondering where he would end up next.

My owner, Teresa, had decided to give me away after five years so she could move to Arizona to be with her true love. She spread the word among her friends that she had a golden retriever to give away.

Of course, Teresa didn't tell me what she had in mind. When a couple showed up to take me for a walk, I just thought they were being nice. I could tell they were not very experienced dog walkers. I pulled hard on the leash to show them who was boss -- me! We walked around my neighborhood in Renton, WA, for about half an hour. Then they got back in their car and left again. It seemed odd but I didn't think much about it.

They showed up again a week or so later. This time they invited me to jump in their car. Oh boy! A car ride! Little did I know that I would never see my home again.

We drove for about a half hour and then pulled into a driveway in some other part of town. I know -- in the movies and in Jack London books the dogs can find their way home from hundreds of miles away. Well, not this dog. I got out of that car and had no clue where I was.

It was especially strange that They had brought my stuff with Them--my special toy (a masticated yellow rubber Daffy Duck), my leash, my cookie jar, and a bunch of other stuff. They invited me inside Their house and I ran around, sniffing like mad, trying to find a clue to my whereabouts. Nothing.

After about an hour, it started to dawn on me that I wasn't going home. I camped out by the front door and waited, signalling my desire to leave. Heck, I just thought I was going for a ride! I had no idea I was being kidnapped! But They did not take me home.

They seemed to be very nice people, but they weren't my owners. I missed Teresa and her roommates.

The next day I tried to escape. They let me out the front door without a leash and I took off. They started chasing me but there was no way They could catch me--in those days I could run a lot faster than They could! I might have gotten away but I happened to trot past some flowers that another dog had peed on, which of course required more detailed investigation.

I was sniffing the flowers when I felt a hand on my collar. Darn! Over the next couple of weeks I made a few more desperate bids for freedom but They caught me every time. I still suspected foul play but there was no way to get back to Teresa, my real owner.

Then one day, Teresa showed up at the house! She seemed happy to see me but I could tell she'd moved on. We still loved each other but it just wasn't the same. She had given me away to new owners and we had separate lives by then. But I was happy to know for sure that I wasn't a kidnap victim--evidently Teresa had given me up voluntarily. I later learned that one of the reasons Teresa gave me away was because she was sick. Tragically, Teresa died the following year from breast cancer at age 34.

Teresa Lassek, RIP, you will always be in my heart!

She and He were very good to me. The three of us lived happily in our house in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. He worked at home so I had company during the day while She went to work. He took me for walks in the nearby cemetery. Walk, sniff, poop, sniff, walk, sniff, sniff, walk. That was our routine. On the weekends, She walked with us.

After I'd been with Them for a few months, I began to cough. I coughed a lot. Finally, They took me to the veterinarian. The vet took the first set of X-rays I'd ever had. That was how They discovered I'd been shot. All that birdshot is still inside me. It always amuses me to see the horrified reaction whenever a new vet takes my X-rays. "This dog has been shot!"

The vet had no idea what was wrong with me. She decided to test me for heartworm just so she could rule it out--heartworm is unheard of in the Pacific Northwest. The test came back positive! I had been harboring the nasty little worms ever since my days in North Carolina!

They sent me to a specialist who treated the heartworm by injecting me with enough arsenic to kill the worms, stopping just short of killing me. It was horrible. I got real sick. Then I had to stay absolutely quiet for six weeks. No walks, no running around, no playing, no nothing. The worms were dead but their bodies were still in my heart. If I got excited and my heart started pumping fast and churning the worm bodies around--it would have been sudden death, like a blood clot.

After six weeks of bed rest, punctuated by pee and poop trips to the back yard, I forgot the rest of the world existed! I forgot about exercise and sniffing. I was sure I would never see the world beyond my yard again.

Next installment: I recover from heartworm but develop yet another fatal disease.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Notes From Exercise Hell

Sorry for the long silence. My life has been the pits lately. I hate it when They get on an exercise kick. Now They are training for some stupid race in September. This means that They have totally lost interest in carefree rambles on the beach. If I don't choose to participate in the insanity, I am relegated to pooping in the back yard.

Well, I don't choose to participate. If They take me with them, I will refuse to run. Go along without me! I'll just stay here and sniff!

She pretends to love nature and flowers, but I'm the only one who really gets down and dirty with nature. I love to sniff it, roll in it, get filthy with it. They love to run through it with iPods blaring in their ears. Big difference.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Why I Love the Beach

Friday, August 12, 2005

I Can Smell Dead Things

We have arrived at my favorite season--the one in which dead things miraculously appear on the beach. So lovely to roll in!

But my age and decrepitude are hindering me. In the past, I could locate a dead salmon and roll in it faster than She could say "Get the f%ck away from that stinking thing!"

But the tables have turned. Now She spots them and steers me clear of them. The whole beach smells like dead salmon and I got nuthin! Darn.

My apologies for the long silence. They have been running me ragged. Girls (yay!) have been visiting and they were going nonstop the whole time. Instead of leaving me home so I could update my glog, they dragged me everywhere they went. They really wore me out on a hike to a cabin on a lake. It was a beautiful lake and there was even a dock that needed patrolling.

They kept forgetting to keep an eye on me, so I got in some good sniffing. Unfortunately, I got carried away and fell into the lake over my head.

I know, retrievers are supposed to like water, but this one doesn't. At least, not water over my knees. They heard all the splashing and came running. It was very scary. I finally got back to shore and He had to push me back up the bank. I'm wayyy too old for this sort of thing! Then they wouldn't let me in the cabin for hours because I was wet and "smelly," whatever that means. I almost lost my life, people!

We spent the night in the cabin and then hiked out the next day. It almost killed me. I just can't climb up and over all those obstacles like I used to.

The girls left this morning--very sad. I really enjoyed having them in our pack for a week. They really liked me and gave me treats. Less petting than I would have liked, but they have allergies.

Now I plan to sleep for the next two days. If they'll let me. Whoever invented jogging as a leisure time activity should be shot.

I'll post the next installment in my Life Story as soon as I get rested up.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Advances in Cloning

If I can just hang on a few more years, my owners might be able to clone me!